Reflections on the No Man Diet

July 22nd, 2010 - Reflections on the NO MAN DIET

Lessons learned from my experience on the No Man Diet:

First, forgiveness of myself for any harm that was done in my good intentions of creating a public forum for my personal growth. I apologize if anyone was negatively affected in any way for the presence of the blog and the forum that it created.

From now on I will be mindful of the energy created in the presence of my experience and how others are affected.

I seek to create positive relationships with all people and will always be open to any dialogue or action that may need to take place to right anything that I have wronged.

Second, I have learned a great deal from my experience on how I relate to men and unhealthy behavior patterns I have sustained. Now, I have transcended into new ways of being with men.

Growing up, I was an ugly duckling. In middle school at age 11, I had braces, greasy hair, and I wore the same three outfits all of the time. I was teased by boys and girls.

At age 12, I was a bridesmaid in my Aunt’s wedding and my other Aunt put make up on me for the first time. At that wedding, I was asked by 5 men if I would marry them! My answer was “Im 12.”

At age 13 and 14, I started jogging around my neighborhood and was whistled at and hollered at from the lawn guys working in the yards.

It was here where I learned to seek my self esteem from validation of other’s views of me specifically on my physical appearance.

In high school, I was able to date pretty much any guy I wanted and grew out of the acne ugly duckling phase.

I grew a sense of confidence around men, that if I wanted a man (albeit boys back then), I could get him to kiss me and like me.

My first long term relationship was when I was 17 and it lasted 2.5 years.

After that relationship ended, I went to college and had many other relationships, usually with men older than I.

In college, I was a cocktail waitress at a cigar martini lounge in which I experimented with black mini skirts, high heels, and red lipstick.

Not to mention giving good shoulder rubs. The money I made was directly related to my levels of flirtation.

So I became familiar with flirting with men to get them to admire my beauty so I could get validation and have high self esteem.

When I was 23 I had another 2.5 year relationship with someone who I ultimately left for someone else and then that relationship also lasted about 2.5 years.

At this point in my life, I went through another ugly duckling stage where I suffered from cystic acne and gained weight.

My beauty was taken away and I became introverted, never wanting anyone to look at me because I believed they couldn’t see ‘the real me’.

After going through a year of fighting weight gain and acne, I actually became separated from my physical appearance and was able to relate with people differently. I stopped looking in the mirror and had to build my self esteem again based on something other than my physical appearance.

Fast forwarding almost ten years later to the present day, I have had a myriad of relationships yet none passing the 2.5 year mark.

So when I did the no man diet recently, it really shook up my perception of how I acted in relationship to men.

I now understand I was on the ‘romance roller coaster’ which is the ‘hedonic treadmill’ in relationships. Once my brain chemistry shifted from romantic love to deep love, I sought someone else to help me keep those dopamine boosts coming.

This actually created not only an ending with people I loved, it forced a new unhealthy relationship with the next person. Because I sought their attention to give me the self esteem, validation, attention, excitement that I was used to in my romantic love relationships. I needed them to act in a way that would give me a dopamine boost.

I understand the dynamics associated with influencing one’s thoughts, beliefs, emotions, values, etc. When I influence another soul’s journey and karmic path for my own personal gain (self esteem, validation, etc) , it could be harmful.

Obviously I am uninterested in harming my significant other! and only want to be focused on uplifting my significant other!

Instead of seeking to create relationships fueled on romance I am now interested in my partner following their own bliss.

This enables freedom in relationship to occur since there is nothing necessarily needed to ‘make the other happy’.

So instead of looking for a relationship that ‘gives me what I need to be happy’ I would prefer a relationship where ‘follow your own bliss’ is the underlying value.

The togetherness comes in where the couple does in fact follow their own bliss to the point of supporting the other and expanding it beyond one’s own capability.

I also learned from the No Man Diet, that one reason why I have such a distaste for Pick Up Artistry is because I have to admit I have done it myself. I have manipulated men to become attracted to me through my thoughts, words and actions.

After admitting that to myself, I am now in more ease with myself around men since I am no longer seeking to get them to ‘do anything to make me happy’ or give me self-esteem and validation.

This point of being, is where I find ease, flow, freedom, bliss, excitement, open heartedness and an upward spiral of connection in which case I have to thank the No Man Diet.