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One of the most basic human needs is companionship. We are people people, social creatures, and we need to feel accepted by others. The same desire that left you with baited breath during elementary school kick ball, when captains were picking teams, is still with you as an adult. It is a deep part of your psyche, and something that will be with you forever. But having the desire to belong doesn’t necessarily get you acceptance.
The only prerequisite to a sense of belonging is accepting yourself entirely. If we don’t accept ourselves, we won’t be able to recognize what it feels like to be accepted by others. Find out if you are accepting yourself with these evaluations.
1. Assess negative self-talk.
Pay attention to what you say to yourself when you make a mistake. Watch your tone of the voice. Is it condescending? Do you say things like:
• "How many times do you have to make that mistake?"
• "You are so stupid!"
• "You can’t do anything right!"
A lot of us share a tendency to be hard on ourselves in this way, but we all have the ability to get a handle on this inner critic and find self-acceptance.
2. Keep a positive self-talk journal.
To convert your harsh inner critic into something positive, try keeping a positive self-talk journal. Invest in a small spiral notebook bound at the side, and any time you have a negative thought about yourself, write it down on the left hand page. The left side is dedicated to the inner critic.
Then convert what the inner critic says into the opposite and write it down on the right hand page. This positive inner voice is what I call the inner colleague.
Keeping a positive self-talk journal requires persistence, diligence and commitment. Bring that memo pad everywhere you go and convert negative thoughts as they arise. Immediately, on the spot, write it down and convert it right there.
3. Every night, review what your inner colleague had to say.
At the end of the day, read through the right hand side of your notebook. Listen to your inner colleague and her affirmations in your mind as you drift off to sleep and let your subconscious build her presence.
If you diligently study your inner monologue for three months, your inner critic will disappear and be replaced with your inner colleague. You will feel love, respect and appreciation for yourself, and that will allow others to feel love, respect and appreciation for you. Acceptance starts with you.
What is a Mind-Body-Spirit Happiness Makeover?
GOAL: To heal the past wounds and programming that lead to unhappiness and build an understanding of how to be happy no matter what. In other words to get the client to a "10" in wellness with mind, body and spirit and understand how they can sustain that feeling of being a "10" forever. The client will learn how to sustain their own happiness for the rest of their life, their happiness is no longer dependent on people, places, things, circumstances or their genetic predisposition for happiness.
TIME REQUIREMENT: 3 months, 1 hour/week, or anytime with a happiness challenge
The length of a MBS happiness makeover is three months. Every week for one hour the client will meet with Aymee for a formal coaching session. Yet calls in between the one week meetings are encouraged for times when the client is experiencing a happiness challenge. (A happiness challenge is a person, place, think, or circumstance that aims to create unhappiness for the client) Aymee accepts calls twenty four hours a day seven days a week for these happiness challenges.
FORMAT: Mind, Body, Spirit
Every other week Aymee will alternate between focusing on the mind and the spirit. Throughout the three months, the client agrees to terms about making their body happier which will be explained later.
MIND –POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY & OTHER WISDOM FROM SUSTAINABLE HAPPINESS EXPERTS
Training the mind is the focus during the coaching sessions. Aymee identifies the client's beliefs and thoughts that are leading them to be unhappy. Then Aymee uses scientifically proven techniques with the client to improve their happiness. She helps them develop a solid foundation to uphold their happiness no matter what person, place, thing or circumstance. She also teaches her clients different tools they can implement in order to deal with the every day happiness challenges. Aymee's focus during these sessions is to create a sense of Eudaimonic happiness through developing each clients understanding of their authenticity, strengths, meaning in life and sense of purpose.
BODY – NUTRITIONAL CLEANSING & EXERCISE
The client agrees to enter into a 90 day nutritional cleanse. This molecular cleanse cleans the body of toxicity on a molecular level and replenishes the body with what it requires for optimal functioning. Through this process the body's brain chemistry comes into balance. Depending on the need of the client, the program can be geared toward losing weight in addition to the releasing of toxins, optimal nourishment, and brain chemistry balance. The product line of ISAGENIX is used to achieve the goals of the body element to the program. The client agrees to perform at least 20 minutes of exercise on a daily basis.
SPIRIT – REIKI HEALINGS & REIKI ATTUNEMENTS
The client agrees to learn reiki as a self-healing system. Reiki is a form of spiritual healing and spiritual practice proposed for the treatment of physical, emotional, mental and spiritual diseases. Mikao Usui developed Reiki in early 20th century Japan, where he claimed to receive the ability of 'healing without energy depletion' after three weeks of fasting and meditating on Mount Kurama. Practitioners use a technique similar to the laying on of hands, in which they claim to be channels for energy ("Ki") guided by a universal spirit or spiritual nature ("Rei") — flowing through their palms to heal a person wherever they may need healing. The client will receive three reiki attunements where the client will enter 3 21-day energetic cleansing periods where the chakas of the system will be cleansed and as a result the client's self-awareness will increase and past traumas are healed.
Imagine you are waking up with a smile on your face feeling fresh and excited to start the day! The smell in the air is like a fresh meadow and the temperature outside is perfect. You say to yourself "Today is the happiest day of my life!" and then you jump up with your fist in the air and exclaim, "I AM HAPPY!" Then you are so exhilarated by your dreams of what gifts today may bring, you do it again, because it feels so good… You jump up with your fist exerting in the air toward the ceiling and you exclaim, "I AAAMMMM HHHHHHHAAAAAPPPPYYY!!!!!!"
WOW!
That feeling is possible! You absolutely can have that as the beginning of your day if you choose it. The only thing keeping you from what I just explained above if your decision to actually say to yourself "Today is the happiest day of my life." Everyday and it is your decision to jump up with your hand in the air exclaiming, "I AM HAPPY!"
Now it may seem weird and way to simple just to do this for your happiness. The happiness deep in your soul likes it simple in fact. I have studied sustainable happiness from a variety of worldly people and science so these happiness exercises are credible. Plus I have a thriving coaching practice in San Francisco where I teach sustainable happiness. For those skeptics, I am going to have to ask you, "Don't knock it till you try it." More than likely you are not happy anyway.
One of my mentors, Robert Mueller, PhD, < http://www.robertmuller.org/ > (Former Assistant Secretary General of the UN, Nobel Peace Prize nominee nineteen times) told me that he felt that happiness saved his life in a Nazi Death camp because he said to himself "Today is the happiest day of my life." Just by setting the intention that today is in fact the happiest day of your life it very well could be!
The "I AM HAPPY!" exercise came from my mentorship with a Swami named Jinendra < http://jinendra.org/ > who's job title is Messenger of Sustainable Happiness. Jinendra's focus in sustainable happiness is on the physiological effect so when you jump up with your fist in the air saying "I am Happy!" then you will feel a very "happy" sensation in your body thus preparing you to experience a deep happiness that day. Also creating this level of zest is supported by the positive psychology movement because they say that zest as a strength is highly related with happiness.
Stop thinking happiness is out there in a person, place, thing or circumstance and start taking responsibility for your happiness and you will therefore in deed have the best year ever!
First we need to achieve happiness in ourselves and then the best year ever can be our experience. In 2005, a study from the University of California in Davis compiled all of the empirically demonstrated benefits of what a happiness experiences in life: more money, deeper love, greater success, optimal health, and greater sense of fulfillment. Achievement of happiness in your life consistently is what brings all of the things that you think comprise your best year ever.
So when you are inspired for to create your new years resolutions, allow yourself to choose happiness < http://happinessclub.com/pages/decision.html > in every moment and watch all of the benefits follow. Thanks to the happiness club who supplies a certificate for us to sign to actually make that decision to take responsibility for your happiness.
It starts with three steps every morning:
1) Choose happiness
2) Say to yourself, "Today is the happiest day of my life."
3) Zestfully jump up and exert your fist in the air exclaiming "IIII AAMMM HHHAAAPPPYY!"
After hearing a radio interview featuring Aymee Coget that really intrigued me, I decided to become a client. What caught my attention was her statement about “incubating happiness” and that she could help people create sustainable happiness for themselves. If you make a commitment to do all the things Aymee says and you also tune into her energy frequency, you will find yourself shifting perspectives and learning how to take charge of your own happiness in a very powerful way. In fact, it’s the only truly effective way to go generating your own happiness if you want long term results. Aymee’s enthusiastic and positive outlook is infectious and her bright spirit is deeply rooted in gratitude. As she helps you to come back to your own inner light and authenticity, you will experience a delightful slow and steady burn . . . one that is meant for you to honor and celebrate and of course . . . to pass on to others. Thank you Aymee for your wonderful work!
Rachelle Lamb
President
Mindful Communication
AND
I am working with People Jam, an LA-based company that promotes coaches and experts. Yeah! I am their resident Happiness Expert! Visit www.peoplejam.com.
AND
I co-host a LIVE CALL-IN internet radio show with Dr. Bob Nozik, another sustainable happiness expert. The show is called "Make Me Happy!" and airs every Friday at Happy Hour from 4-5 pm PT. We interview other sustainable happiness experts and more! Visit www.adviceradio.com to listen to the show or the podcast if you miss the live taping. The call-in number is 800-405-6425.
AND
Stay tuned! My videos will be featured at a new Internet TV station called The Manifest Station, which is a station devoted to the Enlightenment of others and features Neal Donald Walsh, Deepak Chopra and David Lynch!
AND FINALLY...
Keep your eyes and ears open for my upcoming teleseminar series on "REAL happiness for the holidays!" Anyone in the world can attend!
CTV.ca News Staff
We might be worried about how our loonie is doing, or our vanishing manufacturing sector, but overall Canada is doing well on the global "happiness index" created by a European academic.
Ruut Veenhoven, who created the World Database of Happiness in 1999, now lists 95 countries in his intricately crafted tables.
Canada has a score of 7.6 on the index, compared to the United States' 7.4 score. We're ninth overall in the world, and the U.S. is down at 17th place.
The top rated countries are: Denmark (8.2) and Switzerland (8.1), followed by Colombia, Austria, Iceland, Finland, Australia, Sweden, and then Canada.
Tanzania, by contrast, received a score of only 3.2.
Veenhoven says all countries in the top group scored closely, with the differences small.
"All these countries in the top are Western and they're rich," Veenhoven told CTV.ca in a phone interview from Rotterdam. "They're democratic, and they have a lot of gender equality and are fairly tolerant."
Veenhoven says his work is motivated by a desire to promote happiness. To do that, he needs to define happiness and learn what makes people happy.
"My definition of happiness is how much you like the life you live. That's something you know. And that's something you can measure by asking people, and of course you must do that in a systematic way," he said.
So Veenhoven bases much of his study on anonymous questionnaires. But self-reporting can be notoriously inaccurate; for example, drug addicts, by their own measure, would likely say they are always happy. So the index also uses more measures. For Veenhover's research, the three major factors contributing to happiness are:
1. The quality of society at large -- the main focus of Veenhover's research.
2. The quality of the organizations where we work -- how good your employer is for you, and how nice school is for your children.
3. Personal choices and variations. "Some people make more out of life than others," Veenhoven says.
While the scores for the top-ranking nations were tight, Veenhoven says there are some big differences. Adequate social programs, for example, lead to happiness, though not absolutely. Veenhoven found that citizens are no more satisfied in welfare states than in purer free-market economies.
"In the beginning, I didn't believe my eyes,'' said Veenhoven of his data. "Icelanders are just as happy as Swedes, yet their country spends half what Sweden does (per capita) on social welfare,'' he said.
Typically, people are happier when they have choices.
"In Saudi Arabia, they're very rich but choice is rather limited and as a result, people are less happy than equally rich countries," Veenhoven says.
The freedom factor
Individualistic cultures, such as Canada, bring about more satisfaction than collectivistic cultures, such as Japan, which received a score of 6.2, tied with Uzbekistan. Veenhoven believes lack of freedom of choice is the biggest factor. While Japanese culture is becoming a more individualistic society, it isn't there yet.
"Freedom of choice is particularly relevant. If we get stuck in a way of life that makes us unhappy and then we have a way out, we can leave an unhappy marriage. Divorce is no fun but you can get out. And you can also leave unsatisfying jobs. In collectivistic cultures, it's less possible."
Spirituality can lead to happiness, though again, it's not a hard and fast rule. Veenhoven found that nations in which citizens are religious are typically slightly happier. For example, previous research in the U.S. has shown that religious individuals are happier than non-religious individuals.
"That's not reproduced in Denmark and the Netherlands," he says. "So it's not a universal pattern that people are happier than when they're members of the church and when they're religious."
He says that if you look closer at the relationship between happiness and religion in the U.S., the strongest correlation is with membership of church and church attendance, not so much with religious practices such as praying.
"So I think it's typically the social effects of church that accounts for the greater happiness."
The growing field of happiness
Veenhoven believes that happiness measures are catching on, and he is now one of many academics who try to gauge the health of a nation by its happiness score.
Recently, the OECD (Organization of Economic Ccooperation and Development) held a conference called "Is happiness measurable and what do those measures mean for policy?" looking at the determinants of happiness and the methodology issues in satisfaction measurement. Veenhoven was one of the participants.
He notes that organizations like the OECD are now thinking beyond the traditional measures of GNP and economic growth, and looking more at individuals and what makes them satisfied.
"Increasingly, there's an interest in happiness," he says. "It's just the beginning."
TOP NATIONS (Top 14 out of 95)
· DENMARK 8.2 (rank 1)
· SWITZERLAND 8.1 (tied, rank 2-3)
· COLOMBIA 8,1 (rank 2-3)
· AUSTRIA 8.,0 (rank 4)
· ICELAND 7.8 (rank 5)
· FINLAND 7.7 (tied, rank 6-8)
· AUSTRALIA 7.7 (rank 6-8)
· SWEDEN 7.7 (rank 6-8)
· CANADA 7.6 (tied, rank 9-14)
· GUATEMALA 7.6 (rank 9-14)
· IRELAND 7.6 (rank 9-14)
· LUXEMBOURG 7.6 (rank 9-14)
· MEXICO 7.6 (rank 9-14)
· NORWAY 7.6 (rank 9-14)
(The U.S.A. has a rating of 7.4, with an overall rank of 17)
BOTTOM 5 NATIONS
· ARMENIA 3.7 (rank 91)
· UKRAINE 3.6 (rank 92)
· MOLDOVA 3.5 (rank 92)
· ZIMBABWE 3.3 (rank 94)
· TANZANIA 3.2 (rank 95)
Positive Psychology and Coaching
There are two common types of research:
Many clients want to know: What are the benefits of doing this particular exercise or assignment? And those who are footing the coaching bill in large corporations want to know there will be a return on their investment. Following are some specific examples of how I see Positive Psychology intersecting with the coaching profession.
Positive Psychology has a lot to offer the coaching profession to broaden the coach’s knowledge and provide empirical evidence for why coaching works. By bringing more science to the discipline, coaching will avoid the “fad trap” and will have the staying power of other helping professions.
[1] Whitworth, L., Kimsey-House, H. & Sandahl, P. (2007). Co-Active Coaching, 2nd edition. Palo Alto, CA: Davies-Black Publishing.
[2] Kauffman, C. (2005). De-mystifying research: an introduction for coaches. In Coaching Research Symposium. Eds: Stein, Campone & Page. Washington, DC: International Coach Federation publisher.
